Ok, So I realize that I’ve been gone for a while . . . I worked this weekend, but let me get y’all caught up during this week . . . stay tuned!

Muah!

Janet

So being a single mom of three boys brings on new things.  Things girls don’t know about.

Ok, so I do know about pee on the toilet seat.  No matter what I do, except escorting them to the bathroom, they won’t lift the seat UP!    Do most men start this way?  Not able to lift it up, making all the women in their lives sit on a wet pee seat?  And as we harp and nag on them for years, they enter adulthood and never put the seat DOWN?!?! 

Football.  I love football.  Love college ball, and pro ball.  But as to how to put on the uniform, I have no idea.  So for Brennen’s first dressed practice, it was left to me to help him get dressed.  Helmet, check.  Padded pants, check.  Shoulder pads, check.  Jersey, check.  Jock strap, uhhh no check.  After looking inside the pants to see where this thing hooks, and flipping it every other way, I gave up.  I called Heather to ask if I can come over on my way to practice and have Don help.  Sure!  No problem.

I went to load everyone and everything we needed and I told Brennen we were going to Heather’s to help with his weenie cover. 

“Mom!  It goes HERE!!!!”   And he points to the helmet.  Yeah, it’s a chin strap.  Nice job Mom.  Needless to say, H and D, and everyone else got a good belly laugh out of that one.

Yes, I’m blue.  Depresssion.  A pretty good one at that.  I never thought I’d be one of “those” people.  But I am.  I’m on medication, in fact we’ve doubled it.  Ha, how’s that for kicks and giggles?  I don’t know exactly how I got to this point, and I’m not sure yet how to get out of it.  It’s hard.  I want to sleep all day.  I don’t want to eat.  I don’t want to blog.  I don’t want to do anything.  Except lay under a blanket and sleep.  And that’s hard to do when you have small children that depend on you.

And that’s one of my issues.  Everyone needs me.  My kids, my patients, my friends.  But I need to be taken care of too.  I have needs, I have wants.  I want to be taken care of.  I have no support, minus a couple of close friends.  I have no family close by to help.  My ex is busy with work. 

I cry everyday.  Sometimes all day, sometimes just at night.  I don’t know exactly why I cry.  I just do.  I guess maybe because I never thought I’d be twice divorced with three kids.  Not really a life goal you know. 

I do know that I need to do something.  Actually many things to get better, to become who I can be, and what I should be.  Some of these things will hurt, emotionally, my ego, my pocketbook, and who knows what else, but these are things I must face.  To quit hiding and  just deal. 

Like I said during nursing school, when people always said, “I don’t know how you work full time and take care of three kids and study.”   Really, I didn’t think about it.  It’s something that needed to be done, and so I just did it.  I need to go back to that.  There are things that need to be done, and I just need to do it.

I need to let go.  I need to move on.  I need to find myself, who I know I found at least once this year.

I had contact with a friend the other night, that wanted to go out, but as fun as the idea sounded, I’m not the person I was at the beginning of this year.  I’m not the person he knows.  I’ve changed several times since then.  I’m changing now.

Thoughts, memories, hopes and dreams will always be in my heart, but I cannot sit and wait for hopes and dreams.  I must face reality.  The truth.  I need to pull myself out.  I need to be brave and climb out of my covers.   As someone said on my blog and a friend said tonight, I need to stop looking and waiting for what’s not there. 

Those starry eyes
Those tender lips
You made my heart melt
Then boil into a roaring fire
I now know
What my eyes could not see
You are the only one that is for me
Many nights those tears flew
Being myself without anyone
Anyone to care about the thoughts
Looking at the sky and knowing
Many mistakes I had
Many mistakes I have had

Soooo, what’s up with me?

Nothing.

The End.

Ok, ok.  I kid.  I start school today too!  I’m taking chemistry, ugh.  But it brings me closer to starting the RN-MSN program (Masters degree!) this January.   I’m excited!

Still not divorced, yeah, don’t ask.

Not dating, or going out much!   Just waiting for that someone special to be in my life!   Although I have a date with some awesome gals tonight for some wings, beer, and karoke!

What else?  I work, play Mommy, housekeeper, taxi driver, chef, and all that.  That’s my life in a nutshell!

The boys and I went camping at Denby, on Lake Ouachita.  No electricity, us, a tent, and a fire.  LOVED IT!  We stayed for two nights, and as you can see, a beagle adopted us!  No, we didnt’ take her home with us!

What does a sweet, fun gal like myself do on a Friday night?   All while kid free?

Yeah, be lame and make too much popcorn with her new popcorn popper.  Sigh.